Rule No. 30 – Never practice two vices at once

Vice – immoral or evil behaviour

Vice – a tool with two metal blocks that can be moved together by turning the screw. The vice is used to hold an object firmly while work is done on it.

According to Butt-Nutt, this rule is rubbish. He believes you cant have two vices at once. He was arguing with three girls, and lost badly, but this is his input regardless. Wait, he has something else. He says he has actually managed to use two vices at once before, placing timber in the one and a screwdriver in the other. (He is busy explaining this technique to me at the moment but I lost him at timber) …blah blah blah

Lovely Lamb says this, it might be immoral but fun none the less and should be tried at least once in your lifetime. It’ll make you laugh so hard, you stomp your own feet on the ground.

So, I guess what we saying here is that generally one shouldn’t really do this, but I think based on the fact that we have just had the best night in a long time with so much laughing we had to stop looking at each other, we think this is a silly rule.

Ps, Butt-Nutt can stay J

Comments

Rule No.33 - Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day

Okay, rules are back and what a classic one! This quote is by Harry S Truman. He was the 33 rd president of America, historians call him “a controversial president”, the band Chicago wrote a song just for him and he has a commemorative holiday in his name on the 8 th May in Missouri. This is brilliant advise, not in the literal sense, well, that too, but if you having a seriously bad day, don’t make things worse by deliberately doing something that will bite you in the bum later. I did this the other day, so I am talking out of experience here. I went into a situation and then on the way out, after realising it was a bad situation, I kicked a fresh turd cause I was so mad. (again, not literally, although, that might have been a better idea in hindsight) My advise in this circumstance is to stay indoors that day until you have calmed yourself down. I’ll leave you with another quote from Truman : A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who ...

Rule No.59 - If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

"Bull", meaning nonsense, dates from the 17th century, while the term "bull*&$*" has been used as early as 1915 in American slang , and came into popular usage only during World War II . The word "bull" itself may have derived from the Old French boul meaning "fraud, deceit" (Oxford English Dictionary). The term "horse*&$*" is a near synonym. Worthy of note is the South African English equivalent "bull dust". Few corresponding terms exist in other languages, with the significant exception of German Bockmist , literally "billy-goat *&%*". Funny, Suze Original and I were talking about this the other day. She went for an interview and we were laughing cause we both do the same thing. They ask you a simple question that could be answered in a line or two but we both start elaborating so much trying to make a good impression that what started as "My favorite hobby is... right to.. and that's why I...

Rule No.68 - You don't save a pitcher for tomorrow. Tomorrow it may rain.

One must please forgive me lack of knowledge when it comes to baseball. At first glance I understood this rule as a pitcher full of wine or Pimm's. You can see my confusion. First of all, why on earth would you leave it till the next day, and then even if it was raining, whats to stop you from having some. Sigh. Anyway, after seeing who the quote was written by I was incredibly embarrassed to find out it was about a pitcher in a baseball team. How silly of me. I did think it insane that someone would ever tell you to save a pitcher of Pimm's for the next day. I think this rule also applies to the whole don't save your best china for special occasions, every day should be celebrated. What's the point of having them if you going to keep them in the cupboard until the fancy people come, what about your run of mill, everyday peeps. They should be even more special. So don't save that wine, the pitcher or the china for another day. If you have it, use it.

Chasing Noodles

Search This Blog