Rule No.119 - It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.

This rule comes from none other than Roseanne Barr. And really, could you imagine anyone else saying this. There is an element of truth in this though and I can say that because I am guilty of whining about it every now and then. I think every single person is guilty of this at some stage or another. It might be because you have curly hair, or dead straight, a pear shape body or an apple, long thin fingers or short sausage ones.

We will always find something wrong with ourselves and for what? To moan about it to someone that would give anything to have curly hair like yours? It's okay to have a skew nose, it's okay to have beauty spots, it's even okay to be as dark as the night or as white as a snow man.

It annoys everyone else around you when you complain and just makes you feel bad about yourself, so either accept what you have and be happy, or start making changes. The Brazilian Blowout is amazing and can help you start changing the way you feel about yourself, and if bandage dresses don't go well on your body, wear something else that does go well. Work with what you have and the sooner you start loving everything you have, others will too.

It's true! Think I heard that somewhere before. ;)

Elle August SA

PS. Do yourself a favour and get the South African August Issue of Elle and read Sarah Koopman's article "Weight-lifting". A-ma-zing. If you can't get it, give me a shout. Worth the read!

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Rule No.59 - If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

"Bull", meaning nonsense, dates from the 17th century, while the term "bull*&$*" has been used as early as 1915 in American slang , and came into popular usage only during World War II . The word "bull" itself may have derived from the Old French boul meaning "fraud, deceit" (Oxford English Dictionary). The term "horse*&$*" is a near synonym. Worthy of note is the South African English equivalent "bull dust". Few corresponding terms exist in other languages, with the significant exception of German Bockmist , literally "billy-goat *&%*". Funny, Suze Original and I were talking about this the other day. She went for an interview and we were laughing cause we both do the same thing. They ask you a simple question that could be answered in a line or two but we both start elaborating so much trying to make a good impression that what started as "My favorite hobby is... right to.. and that's why I...

Rule No. 76 – Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

I was on a plane last night on my way home and after my original idea of having a really awesome nap after two extremely tough weeks being completely thrown aside thanks to my hard of hearing peeps behind me that thought it necessary to use their fists on the tray to make a point, and they had a LOT of points, while bashing my chair at the same time, i decided what better time to think about this rule instead. Use my time productively. Then, somewhere between my eyes rolling back in exhaustion and semi consciousness, i looked over to the other row and there was a lady with her wallet on her lap, sorting out her slips, throwing away her bank statements. Brilliant. Seriously though, why would you want to keep them? We all do, just in case we need it for something, but when have you ever really needed them?These days they give you the option if you want to print out the receipt or not. Do yourself and the tree's a favour and just say no. Sorted. Now love letters. Aaah, love letters. I...

Rule No.63 - Don't long for the unripe grape

"It’s clear that to blend together unripe grapes and over-ripe grapes doesn’t result in a balanced wine. Indeed, under-ripe grapes are completely undesirable and can ruin a wine, not add freshness." Nothing worse than a bad wine so why on earth would you long for the unripe grape. What beats a gorgeous glass of Sauvignon on a hot day, or sitting by the fire in the middle of winter with a delicious glass of Merlot? I know, not much! By longing for the unripe grape you just trying to hurry a good wine which just is not done. Okay, I make joke, this is quite obviously not what this rule is about. I understand it as a patience rule. By longing for the unripe grape you are only torturing yourself and putting an unnecessary pressure on yourself, where you could just be at peace with it and give it time to grow into the most amazing fruit. Somebody I used to know once complained about an unripe grape he had and made himself miserable, but with time and patience now, i think he has...

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